You'd Rather Watch Me Die On a White Horse
There is no such thing as Masculinity.
I want to make something clear before we start. I’m not talking about biology of body parts, nor am I speaking of gender. I am talking about behavior and the art of being a person. While the language in this blog may be very binary (because I’m using heteronormative examples) it applies to all gender expressions. And feel free to expand my non-binary vocabulary in the comments.
When we talk about vulnerability, a picture of a person having a hard time comes to mind. They’re sharing their struggles with someone they trust, holding a glass of white wine, some tears come and the person listening is giving words of comfort and encouragement.
Now let me ask you, is the vulnerable person you envision a male?
Maybe, most likely not. Men aren’t allowed to be vulnerable. And I bet you think I’m going to say it’s because of their bros, coaches, fathers, bosses, shutting them up, saying “be a man”, “grow some balls”, yeah sure, they have their part to play.
But I want to talk about the women in the lives of these men.
They would rather watch him die on his white horse and shining armor being the savior, provider, and protector, than to allow him to be vulnerable in front of them.
I’m a feminist, but today I’m here to call you out, ladies. The patriarchy didn’t just morph the minds of men, but of women too. There is no such thing as masculinity.
Masculinity conjures the idea of a warrior, a viking, a soldier, fighting for their country, protecting their families, hunting for food, fighting bears and coming back home with the kill.
Of course that existed at some point, but we’re not there anymore as a modern society. And if you’re reading this on your smart phone, or computer than I’m going to assume that you don’t live in a hut somewhere and hunt for your survival. You have some level of comfort in your life.
You wanna talk warriors?
Joan of Arc was a knight who fought for France. Artemisia I of Caria fought alongside King Xerxes. Fu Has was China’s first female general during the Shang dynasty. Trung Trac and Trung Nhi were Vietnamese sister who led an army of 80,000. The Dahomey Amazons were a group of thousands of warrior women. And that’s not even scratching surface of history.
Since this is also a spiritual blog, let’s talk deities. Oya is the Orisha of wind and storms and a warrior goddess. Kali is a fierce force, just take a second to look at her image. Freya is the goddess of love and war, life and death… and cats. Cats are cute and cuddly but they got death blades. Athena, goddess of wisdom, war, and combat. Sekhmet, warrior blood thirsty goddess. My goddess, there are so many to name here!
So no, don’t come at me telling me that there is such a thing as masculinity when the feminine (the ones we deem as feminine energies) are the ones doing the fighting, not only in myth but in history, including modern history, like AOC and activist witches out there.
We talk a lot of bringing down the patriarchy, and yes we should! Because men hold the most number of positions of power, but they also had the number of highest rates of suicide and depression. All due to the patriarchy.
Patriarchy doesn’t mean “man-hating”, it means “oppressive system” for all!
When I said I wanted to call out women, it’s because many women still hold the vision of a man providing for them. Doing for them. Tending to their every need.
Honey, in this economy?
I see women say they want a kind, gentle man, and yet when they find one they are not attracted to him. He’s now weak and soft. God forbid a man cries, now they need to carry on, somehow. Hey, you got work to do, a wife and kids to feed. Swallow those tears and man up!
The work of taking down the Patriarchy includes looking at the ways we keep it alive. In the way we spend, in the way we vote, and in the way we give space to men.
Show me someone that can hold space for a man in fear and vulnerability, and I’ll show you a person who has done tremendous work on themselves.
When I say there is no such thing as masculinity, I mean it. Vulnerability is deemed feminine, fine. Let men be feminine. But then we envision a gay guy wearing make up and a bunch of girls going yaaaas queen werk!
Women have a warrior spirit, deemed masculine. Men have feelings, deemed feminine. But because we have created a distinction between masculinity and femininity, now we have men who are afraid to cry because they don’t want to look feminine.
Madonna said it best:
“Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
Because it's okay to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you?
What it feels like for a girl"
I believe that 100%. We have created a language where femininity has a place, a playfulness, a freedom that we have not yet allowed the men to experience.
We have created such a misogynistic atmosphere where even the thought of expressing any kind of feminine behavior is considered shameful.
I blame the church. There, I said it! But I also blame us for continuing to let it happen.
My mantra for vulnerability is that every tear I shed is a middle-finger to the oppression of the Patriarchy, and I will not participate.
My feminism is the fight for justice for all oppressed minorities, including men who are willing to do the shadow work of being vulnerable, and for their partners who are willing to be active listeners.
Who doesn’t want Dwayne Johnson in their bedroom? I mean… a big, strong, masculine man? not bad at all. But who are we when The Rock is struggling? Who are we when The Rock is not feeling so solid?
Ew, you’re The Rock, man up!
Is probably not the best way to build a real connection with the masculine who is actually in their feminine right now.
There is no such thing as masculinity. We are all masculine and feminine, which… wouldn’t they cancel each other out? So then, doesn’t that mean we are neither? And we are all? All at the same time?
Let go of the shackles of division the Patriarchy and the Church have put on us. Crying, laughing, hugging, fucking, kissing, hurting, fighting, enjoying, creating, thinking, feeling… are all part of the art of being a person.
I am a true believer that non-binary and trans people are here to teach us this very lesson.
One more time, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MASCULINITY!
Nor femininity. There is just people, and the freedom of self-expression without shame and oppression, especially shame and oppression from our own loved ones. We can do better.
*You can find a tarot spread at the bottom of the page. You can use the spread with tarot, oracle, or even use the questions as journal prompts*
With much love and tarot magic,
Icaro
This is one of my favorite videos I’ve created. I go through the Tree of Life, their titles and how it reveals the gender fluidity of our souls.
and Below is this week’s video:
I also love the message of this video. I gotta say, there’s a spiritual fire lit in my heart. The messages have been very moving, uplifting, and powerful for spiritual activism.
