There's Gratitude, and then there's...What?
What if life is just shit? A grumpy rant.
I guess maybe I should warn you that this one is a bit of a downer? I don’t have a conclusion here. It’s a grumpy rant on life.
Gratitude is the spiritual guru’s and life coaches’ favorite word.
Oh you’re not happy because you’re not practicing enough gratitude. Bringing gratitude into the present moment will change your perspective and your life.
But what if life is just shit?
I believe in gratitude. I believe that there’s a gift in everything.
But I’m not so sure that gratitude is the solution.
It works for the present moment. Maybe you’re doing a gratitude list and yes, it works. You start out in kinda of a meh mood. You force yourself to write the first thing you’re grateful for, then the second, by the third or fourth you’re feeling a bit better, by the fifth or sixth, you’re thinking “hey, there are good things in life. Maybe you manage to write down ten or more things to be grateful for. Hey, that’s really good. You go to bed feeling pretty good, then you wake up and your first notification on your phone is from that friend you hate but haven’t broken off with them yet. Then there’s that work email talking about another soul-crushing meeting. Then it’s the same routine over and over everyday until the sweet relief of death.
What if life is just shit?
How much can gratitude do, when you’re looking down the barrel of life, and all you see is stuck in a job and town you don’t like, living paycheck to paycheck, not seeing your savings grow at all, then you start losing hope of ever getting out of where you’re at. Don’t even think about moving cities because everything is over a million dollars, surprisingly even in rural places. Don’t let yourself dream that you can set up a small business somewhere, lead a quite peaceful life with enough in the bank, because not only are your ideas not really taking off, and trust me, you’ve tried, but the system is working exactly how’s meant to, to keep people in constant struggle and poverty to the capitalist dream remains alive, and all we are are pawns in the chess game of life.
The At Least Loop
I believe in gratitude. I believe that there’s a gift in everything.
But it feels like gratitude is another piece in the game. Gratitude keeps us thinking “yeah, this is good enough. I may be living paycheck to paycheck, but hey, at least I have a paycheck that pays the bills. I may have a car that makes noises sometimes and I can’t afford to fix it so I won’t even take it to the mechanic because if I don’t know then there’s nothing to fix, but hey, at least I have a car that takes me from A to B.”
It keeps us in this “at least” loop, that this is good enough. That things will get better if I’m grateful enough, and they’re not getting better because I missed making my gratitude list last night and the night before, so I’m not being grateful enough. Some unexpected expense showed up, fuck! That’s taking the money I saved up, but hey at least I had money saved up just enough for this. There’s that life-changing gratitude.
I’m sorry, my dear reader but I don’t have a solution to this.
I know I’m being cynical because sometimes we are, and I don’t believe in love and light spirituality. I believe in real, raw and authentic spirituality. I will honor my ups and my downs without guilt or fear of “attracting negativity” because I’m having a normal reaction to everything that is going on in the world, and to a system that was built to keep me struggling and in survival.
I guess it’s equal parts gratitude to keep us in good spirits, and equal parts action to help us get out of our situation.
But even the action part frustrates me because where do I go?
I used to do events with a friend and we had some financial success with them. Nothing that would have us quit our jobs and change our lives but enough to supplement the income we had. We were able to attract people, so we didn’t have to cancel because no one signed up.
But I don’t talk to that friend anymore. They were another in a line of narcissistic friendships I seemed to attract and while they talked about community, it was all good as long as the community served the queen. So after I had my eyes opened to that, I left.
So now here I am navigating my own path solo, as it should be, I get it, only I can walk my path and live my life.
But the frustration remains because it seems that I have the opposite of a Midas touch. I struggle with getting people to sign up for my events, and whatever content I put out there seems to be invisible.
I feel like an idiot writing that previous paragraph because you’re reading this, and that’s success to me. At the time of this writing I have 42 subscribers to Tarotpy Tuesday. If I was talking to a room full of 42 people I would shit! It’s amazing and humbling, and I’m grateful for all of you (no sarcasm there, just honest gratitude).
But the online world seems to work different to the real world. 42 subscribers doesn’t translate into money so that I can dream of becoming who I am meant to be, whoever that is.
I’m still stuck in a job that hurts my hands and doesn’t bring me much joy. It pays the bills, but I can’t do it alone. And I’m scared of the future.
We seem to have created a culture of if you believe it it will happen. We see celebrities preaching how dreams come true (and you know how I feel about celebrities, read this blog for more) but the more we save the more expensive things become. I can save a hundred thousand dollars to buy a house, but by the time I have that money saved, the house I was looking at now costs 3 million.
It’s a constant game of catch up and we’re all running out of breath. We’re reaching for the stop button on the treadmill, but the button is broken, the treadmill is on fire, and we keep running.
Again, I’m sorry, my dear reader but I don’t have a solution to this.
Sometimes life is just shit, and maybe the best we can hope for is a friend next to us that we can laugh and cry with.
With much love, lots of money, a bit of gratitude, tons of luck, and tarot magick,
Icaro
I’ll be honest, I’m having a hard time coming up with a card spread this week.
Do I do it about gratitude? But I just did a whole rant about it. I could do it about being grumpy, but that’s a passing feeling. I could do it about the future, but that’s so personal to each of us.
If the post did NOT relate
So my advise, is to journal. Maybe this rant didn’t relate to you, and that’s awesome. Journal about that.
How you felt reading it?
How do you disagree with certain statements?
What statements better suit your point of view?
How do you feel about the future?
If the post related to you
My advise still is to journal.
How did the post make you feel?
Where do you agree or disagree?
Did it make you grumpier, or did it light a spark of creativity and action?
How do you feel about the future? Can you improve on your feeling and/or outlook?
