No Niche, No Shirt, No Problem

My Wild and Free Essays

I don’t think I have a niche. Do I?

Maybe you know me better than I know myself, from reading my stuff you’ve put together a common string that runs through my work. But I haven’t seen it yet.

Isn’t weird that we live with ourselves every day… I mean, we are the only thing that will be with us for literally our entire lives, and yet we don’t know ourselves? Ugh!

I wrote about how freeing writing has been for me in my last post “A Writer Writes About Writing”. I love my wild and free essays. Every week is a new topic. Every time I sit down to write is a new inspiration. Once I was driving and I saw an Amazon truck that said “The P in ASAP is for Prime”. Now Amazon can go burn in hell, instead of the real Amazon. But I have to admit that that sentence got me thinking, so I wrote “The P in ASAP”. One of my favorite essays, if I may toot my own horn. (I wish I could! It would render a boyfriend unnecessary)

Now, while maintaining my wild and free Substack, it can also be kind of isolating. That word sounds so dramatic to me when I write it, but it can’t really find another one.

It seems like everyone has a niche. They seem to have this clear topic they want to talk about and a point of view they are not shy about. That makes it easy to attract people. The creator knows what they’re creating, and the audience knows what they’re getting from that creator.

Oscar Wilde said "If you know what you want to be, then you inevitably become it - that is your punishment, but if you never know, then you can be anything.”

I love that he says “punishment”. It makes me laugh. The idea is that if you know what you want that is all you will ever be. I used to dance. Now, talk about people that are focused on what they love and who they want to become, it’s dancers. They’re always dancing and thinking about dance. They hear a piece of music and they automatically are moved by it, feeling it in their body and making up choreography. Even when they’re sitting they’re stretching their legs, feet, and toes. It’s kinda fascinating to watch.

The punishment is that you’re locked in. Your vision is a tunnel. One way in, one way out. And if you don’t know what you want, then you get to be anything! That sounds so freeing!

But here’s my issue.

I can’t speak for the past, but in this modern age it seems to me that people achieve success by finding a niche. By entering the tunnel and walking that straight line. Choosing one thing you love to focus on and letting it guide and expand as we walk the path.

It sounds pretty cool to me because you know what you want. There’s a feeling of relaxation there. I want this thing and I will work to get it.

Not knowing what you want requires a different kind of commitment.

It asks for deep soul-searching. For the dismantle and destruction of limiting belief systems and negative self-talk. It requires a deep dive into the dark self to find that inner light.

Now, we are way more complex that what our job description is. If you’re a writer that is not all that you are, and I love the freedom that Oscar Wilde’s quote brings. It gives you permission to change course if you feel the one you’re currently on isn’t working for you, or it isn’t what you initially thought or hoped for.

My frustration is that I wish finding yourself paid better.

In this capitalist world, we’re robbed of the time it takes to find one’s self. If it’s not monetizable then it’s not worth pursuing, because I have to make money to survive. I guess that’s why I’m enjoying Substack in a weird way. It has provided the freedom I want to be able to write and express myself, and there is an option for people to become paid subscribers.

But then we’re back to square one. If I don’t have a niche, how do people know what they’re subscribing to? And is it even worth spending hard-earned money on?

I’m learning to let go. The reason why I started writing was to allow stories I’ve had in me for a long time to finally be let out of their cage. And I’ve noticed in the process I get to talk to myself. I get to ask if what I’m saying is actually something I believe in, or if I’m betraying myself by writing something just to please someone, or because it’s trending.

I’m welcoming the frustration that my life isn’t where I’d like it to be, probably because I’m still finding the person I want to be. And I’m welcoming the freedom that this art form is allows.

I love my wild and free essays, and I probably will always keep them that way. A place where I get to ride on an idea and see where it takes me. Where from week to week is a surprise to me. Where I get to look for inspiration in the world and bring it here, to talk to myself, and to share it with you.

Maybe some things are just for enjoyment, pleasure, and the journey of self-expression. And that is a tunnel I will always walk in.

With much love, tarot magick, and the light at the end of the tunnel,

Icaro